The Second Time Around

I am as familiar with the statistics as anyone – two thirds of second marriages are expected to end in divorce. There are many factors often cited for this depressing outcome. The family unit is more diverse and less cohesive. The children tend to be older and more independent, thus staying together for the sake of the kids is less of an issue. The ghosts of spouses past can continue to haunt the new marriage. Perhaps one or both partners moved too quickly into a new relationship rather than allowing sufficient time to heal from the divorce or to address underlying issues. Or, maybe they spent so much time single that partnered life with its compromises and complexities is no longer a fit. And, of course, there is the fact that once you have been divorced and survived, it may be easier to tread that path again.

Regardless of the reasons, the numbers are clear. Second marriages are more likely to fail than first unions. But, when it comes to relationships, I don’t care about statistics. I care about individual marriages, including my own. And, rather than focus on the added challenges that can impact subsequent marriages, I choose to acknowledge the ways that a marriage can be better the second time around.

Value

I took my first marriage and my first husband for granted. He was always there and I assumed he would always be there. It wasn’t that I treated him poorly or neglected the marriage, I just didn’t understand the fragility of it and that it could disappear so easily. Read the rest on The Huffington Post.

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2 responses to “The Second Time Around

  1. I have read that those statistics are a broad average but underlying that are the two sub-categories. Those who are the leavers tend to rush into relationships that inevitably fail at an extremely high rate (don’t quote me but I think about 85%) whereas those leavees tend to do soul-searching, redefine values etc and any subsequent relationship is built on a good foundation and these ‘second timers’ have a very high success rate, as high or even higher than first marriages.

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