March 2012 – Page 3 – Lessons From the End of a Marriage

On the Menu: Lemon Pepper Pasta and Verdant Sides

Posted on March 25, 2012 by stilllearning2b

This meal is a true vitamin C bonanza. I think it would offer one protection against scurvy for at least a year or two. In fact, this is the meal Blackbeard’s mum should have made for him before he set off to pillage the seven seas.

Lemon Pepper Pasta

This comes from my first vegetarian cookbook, Lean and Luscious, and Meatless (out of print now, unfortunately). When I first started using this cookbook in high school, I had fallen hard for the low fat, high carb craze. It is funny to see my notes on the pages where I used only nonfat dairy products and shunned even the smallest amount of olive oil, while eating huge quantities of breads and pastas. Fast forward to today, and I rarely eat bread or pasta, mainly because the gluten-free varieties are not very good and full of simple carbs.

This recipe is super easy. I now use spaghetti squash for the pasta, but any sort of spaghetti will do. The amounts are variable; I never bother to measure for this one.

2-3 cups spaghetti of choice, cooked

2 tsp olive oil

3-4 red, yellow, and orange bell peppers, cut into strips

1-2 tbsp grated lemon peel

1/4 tsp pepper

1 cup skim milk

1-2 cups reduced fat sharp cheddar, shredded

Saute peppers in oil for 5 min over medium-high heat. Add lemon and pepper and stir. Reduce heat, add milk, cheese, and pasta and stir until cheese is melted and ingredients are blended.

Roasted Asparagus with Mustard Cream

Sounds oh-la-la, doesn’t it? It’s actually really easy and really good. This one came from my newest cookbook, 125 Gluten-Free Vegetarian Recipes. I made one small adjustment, subbing nonfat Greek yogurt for the sour cream.

Steamed Broccoli

Uhh…broccoli. Steamed. Added a little pepper and leftover lemon juice. ‘Nuff said.

And for dessert…

Citrus, of course!

I am now set to sail the world with only a bit of hardtack to tide me over. Or not, actually.

Taming the Monkey Mind: Day 11

Posted on March 25, 2012April 21, 2012 by stilllearning2b

Today is one of those days that deserves a name, a title that anchors it in my mind and lets me retrieve the file at will. I dub today, The Opening.

I have recently developed my own Sunday ritual. My morning begins with a 90 minute power hot yoga class. Now that spring has arrived, I follow this class with a visit to the nearby botanical gardens for an hour or so. It is a perfect combination, as it makes good use of drive time and the plants don’t seem to mind the fact that I am sweaty and stinky from yoga (or at least they are too polite to say so).

This particular yoga class has been a delightful challenge for me. Every week I learn something new about a pose or about myself. It pushes me beyond my comfort zone in so many ways. My biggest obstacle in yoga has always been my hips; they are tight from running, lack of stretching, and my natural biomechanics. But, most of all, they are tight because it is where I hold tension. Those hips are starting to open. As those binding ligaments loosen, I can start to feel my mind relax as well. Stress moves out and acceptance moves in to take its place. My yoga instructor says, “Open hips, open heart.” I think she may be on to something.

I had to smile when I entered the gardens today. On my last visit two weeks ago, The petals on the tulips were closed tight, rigid and upright. Today, they were splayed open, faces towards the sun. Those tulips mirrored my own feelings.

The gardens were beautiful today, full of riotous color and fresh verdant growth. Of course, that also means they were full of onlookers; the quiet solitude of the early spring a thing of the past. I decided to approach my visit a little differently today. I pulled out my phone, interested my headphones, and started a track that contains meditative music that follows a diurnal rhythm. This allowed me to be in my own world and not be aware of the people filling the garden. I took a different route through the planting, maintaining a calm mind. This was my meditation today. I had no goals, no destination. I allowed myself to just be in the space. It was wonderful. Restorative.

I now feel open, face turned towards the sun.

Taming the Monkey Mind: Days 8 & 9 (lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com)
Taming the Monkey Mind: Days 6 & 7 (lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com)
Taming the Monkey Mind: Days 3 & 4 (lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com)
Taming the Monkey Mind: Days 6 & 7 (namasteconsultinginc.com)
Taming the Monkey Mind: a 28 Day Meditation Challenge (lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com)

A Letter to the IRS

Posted on March 25, 2012March 8, 2024 by stilllearning2b

I wrote before about my experiences with the Innocent Spouse relief program with the IRS. I have now received refunds for all of the years in question (I cried when each check came in). They have asked me to complete a survey about my experiences with the program. I am also sending this letter to show them the more personal side of their impact.

March 25, 2012

Dave Alito

Director, Compliance

Wage and Investment Division

I received the request for completing a survey about my experiences with the Innocent Spouse claim procedure. I will be happy to fill this out; however, I also wanted to write a letter expressing more fully my experience with the process.

First, a little background on my story: In 2009, my partner of 16 years abruptly abandoned me with a text message. He took all of the financial documents with him, which prompted me to dig into internet resources (he changed the passwords on all of the accounts), which indicated that he had been hiding major financial deceptions. He then went on to commit felony bigamy within a week of leaving me.

Needless to say, I was devastated. I lost everything: my husband, my dogs, my money, my home in one small text. I held out hope that the legal system would allow some sort of justice. They did not. In the criminal trial, he was granted a diversion and was never held to the criteria of the judgment. In the divorce case, he was ordered to remove my name from the mortgage and pay me back for taxes, attorneys, and some other expenses. That never happened and the courts offered no support. I felt like I was twice victimized; once by my husband and again by the legal system. It was a frustrating and powerless feeling.

When I filed for Innocent Spouse relief, I held no real hope. I expected this to go the way of the courts. The day that I received the first letter that my claim was accepted was a huge turning point for me. I felt validated, and as though I had regained some control over my life. For the first time in the entire experience, I felt as though he would have to face the consequences of his actions.

The money I was refunded has allowed me a little more cushion as I struggle to rebuild my financial well-being. Even more importantly; however, are the emotional funds I received that have helped me to no longer be a victim. I want to thank the people involved in my case who saw through to his deceptions and gave me hope for my future.

Maybe I should include the IRS in my Christmas letter list? Oh, wait. I never send Christmas cards…

…and a Small Step Back (lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com)

It is Official; I Am Insane

Posted on March 24, 2012 by stilllearning2b

Just in case you were on the fence about the integrity of my mental faculties, I will provide you with the evidence needed to convince you on which side you should fall.

Don’t let all my talk of meditation fool you; I rarely sit still. Today, I just had to go for a run. It is beautiful outside and the dog was just begging me to take him out. Okay, well actually he was passed out on the couch, but I’m sure he was begging me in his dreams. Now this wasn’t just any run. This was a 3 1/2 mile loop around the neighborhood. A VERY hilly neighborhood.

Run accomplished, I quickly rehydrated. I read about a kettlebell move to use with the Tabata protocol at 3:00 am this morning when I couldn’t sleep. Of course, I had to try it . Today. Immediately following the run.

Now, a brief interlude here for those of you not familiar with the particular brand of torture that is Tabata. You pick a full-body move that is easy to start and stop (I usually do the elliptical). You go all-out for 20 seconds and rest for 10. This cycle is repeated 8 times for a total of 4 minutes. Go ahead, laugh. I did too. Then I tried it and couldn’t move for 10 minutes. Normally, on days I do Tabata, I don’t do much of anything else too active.

Not today. So, I did squat thrusts with two 15 lb kettlebells with the Tabata protocol. I collapsed 3 seconds before the end of the final round. Breath heaving. Legs screaming. Shoulders burning. Glancing up, the heavy bag hanging in the corner caught my eye.

tentatively, I lifted an arm. Then the other. Yup, they still worked. Grasping onto a nearby chair, I hoisted my body into an upright position. I could still stand. I hobbled over to the nearby shelf, tugged the punching gloves onto my shaking hands and made my way to the bag.

And proceeded to do another 15 minutes of bag work.

And now (post-shower, of course) I’m off to a 3 year old’s birthday party.

Yup, insane.