You Are Not Your Divorce

Our traumas help to form us, but we do have to let them define us.   You are not what happened to you. You are not your suffering.  The first step in healing is taking ownership of your reactions and choosing to respond in a manner which will help you let go of the past.

You will always see the event as a delineation in your memories; there is a “you” before and a different “you” after that has been changed by the trauma. When you become stuck, you view the repercussions of the event as malevolent and place the responsibility for the changed self on the event.

It happened.  It hurt.  It changed you.  By letting it define you, you simply give it more power.  You have the ability to create beauty out of the pain.

One of the most powerful images I held in my mind during my divorce was that of how I handled a fallen tree in my garden.  I had a large tree come down in an area where I had cultivated a beautiful woodland garden.  Those delicate plants were now exposed to the harsh midday sun and would not survive.  I mourned the loss of the area for a day or so and then I went to work.  I dug up and moved all of the shade-lovers and replanted them in new areas that would still give them the shelter they needed.  I then loaded up my car with sun-loving plants from the nursery (yes, this was the fun part!) that I never had space for before. I was able to create a new, different, but even more beautiful garden where the tree had fallen.

Are you letting your divorce define you? Do you give it (or your ex) the power to control your life now?  This is a choice and you can change your mind.

Consciously Choosing to Move Forward.

About these ads

4 responses to “You Are Not Your Divorce

  1. You have an amazing way of expressing things. Thank you for your writing. I wish I had the words to express the feelings you engender within me.
    Please know that I value and appreciate what you write.
    All the best to you in every way. :D

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s